last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
