Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
