we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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