I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
