I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I believe in your delicious
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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