Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
