You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
