come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
