perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
