i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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