someone owes me an orgasm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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