I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
worst night to have a conscience
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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