They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
