you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
