when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
