Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
