You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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