I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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