He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
