I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
