my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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