i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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