So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
