: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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