what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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