I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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