I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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