Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
