Soap is not a condiment
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
