True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
