And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
