Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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