I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
