My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
