I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
