I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
