ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
