apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
