Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
