I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
