I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
