The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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