I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
