What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
