I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
