I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
