why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
