If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
