i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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