At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
