yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
