Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
