Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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