we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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