So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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