Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
