proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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