playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
