he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
