i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
FUCK WHALES
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize