I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
