Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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