i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
