so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
