i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So vagazzling was a success
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
