you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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