you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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